How to Cure a Jellyfish Sting

Location:
Thailand

Snorkeling, Thailand, Laughing

By Shaan Kirpalani

“Tim. I guess we’re going to have to pee on you.” These words, I can only imagine were the last ones Tim, the 20 year old Australian, wanted to hear from Brian and I, two 25 year old Americans, who at first, attempting to emote compassion for their suffering friend, only to wind up giggling then ripping into seizured, honking, knees-buckled, roaring laughter at him. Tim’s three friends come running up to us at our spot in the sand, a few meters from the water to find the three of us: Brian and I on the ground, pants down, wailing and crying from laughter, and Tim in the middle, torso and arms streaked with the puffy red swirls of a jellyfish sting, rolling in the sand, wailing and crying somewhere in between the hysterics of laughter and extreme stinging discomfort.

“What the hell happened?” asked one of the Aussies. I get up, compose myself and struggle through a teary-eyed explanation of why it was exactly that Brian and I, instead of helping their moaning friend, had our pants down and were laughing at him.

We had first met the four Aussies two weeks earlier on a bus trip from Bangkok to Kho Samui, an island eight hours to the north in the Gulf of Thailand. We went our seperate ways and stumbled onto them by chance at the Full Moon Party a week later in Ko Pangang, and then again, a week after that the night prior at a bar on the island of Phi Phi Don in the Andaman Sea, just south of mainland Thailand. After many beers, and stories the night before we decided that today’s daytime activity would be snorkeling. We asked around and went as a group, renting a long tail boat, captained by a smiling local named, “Mo.” We embarked around 10am from the harbor at Phi Phi Don and headed southeast to Phi Phi Lei, the island made famous by the movie, “The Beach.” We spent a few hours in the cove there, snorkeling in the shallow reefs, drinking beer, more snorkeling, and scampering around the rocks of the tiny island until “Mo” told us it was time to go to another reef, 100 meters or so off a little sandbar of an island who’s name escapes me, inbetween Phi Phi Don and Phi Phi Lei.

This is where Tim had minutes before interrupted me from my lobster chasing, and grabbed me underwater making a frantic, wild-eyed fit of snorkel bubbled, “go up to the surface” gesture. At the surface I learned that Tim had been, “BITTEN” or “STUNG” or “I DON’T KNOW, BUT IT BURNS, MATE!!!” We then sprinted to the shore, breathless to interrupt Brian laying there in the sun. After about thirty seconds of medical discussion, Brian and I concurred that urine was indeed a proven wilderness remedy for jellyfish stings. I had never heard this, but Brian appeared so confident he had both of us convinced.

It was at the moment of us undoing the strings of our boardshorts, getting ready to pee on our wailing Australian friend at our feet that Brian and I and Tim simultaneously realized the sillyness of what was occurring and began the laughter which went on from this point for six hours or so.

“Well, go on then, quit laying there and laughing at Timmy, and pee on him already,” remarked one of the laughing Aussies.

“I can’t.” I cried. “I can’t. I have stage fright.”

“I can’t either, “ cried Brian from the ground.

“You guys do it, “ Tim pleaded with his friends.

“There is no way we are going to pee on you mate, “ they respond.

“Arrrrgh it burns!!! Come on already.”

“Nope, you’re going too have to let the Americans pee on you.”

“Peed on by Americans, come on, isn’t it bad enough.”

“C’mon boys,” Tim’s friends plead to Brian and I, a bit more serious now, “he is in a lot of pain after all, man up and do it.”

“Okokok.” Brian says, “maybe in a bottle is easier.”

We make our way to the boat, and see “Mo” off in the trees talking with a Thai woman. We grab a couple of empty water bottles, and try to pee in them, there, at the side of the boat. We are still laughing. I am useless, and cannot squeeze out a drop. Brian, finally manages to, and runs his accomplishment over to the Aussies, a warm, frothy brew of American pee. Tim stands up, and doesn’t hesitate to empty the bottle over his wounds, to a symphony of laughter from the five sunburnt snorkelers surrounding him.

“Feel better?” asks one of his mates.

“No.”

We laugh until “Mo” shows up with a bag of limes and a knife and says, “Citrus works better than pee, is more acid.” “It was very funny to watch all of you, my friend and I were over there laughing too. You should have asked me, I always keep limes on boat.”

We sat there drinking beer, watching our friend squeeze and rub an entire bag of limes on his body as the sun began to go down behind Phi Phi Lei. The beer-drinking and the laughs went on for hours.

Further Information

Other helpful information: Definetly do the snorkel tour. If i remember correct it cost us about $10 US. There are no lethal jellyfish in Thailand, and if you are stung, the marks are not permanent, and the pain goes away in about an hour.

Must see/do at this place: Everything. Great chilled-out bars along the water at night, cheap bungalows, hikes and snorkeling during the day, scuba diving lessons.

You should avoid here: Brian's medical advice