Of Gulls and Girls

Location:
United Kingdom

Giant seagulls

By artfuldodgette

All the computer generated images and wild fantasies of sci-fi visionary writers cannot even begin to conjure up the surreal visual of watching a giant seagull attack someone. It was as though Hitchcock’s classic film about birds gone loony was being played out before me and my friends, but in this version, there was no jolly, obese man to shout “Cut!” from the safety of the sidelines.

In the spring of 2007, I traveled to Europe, on an obligatory collegiate pilgrimage taken by nearly all grads or post-grads; perhaps in search of historical enlightenment and cross-cultural understanding, but more likely with the intent to reenact Eurotrip scene by scene. Though stationed in London, I managed to cover a good chunk of Western Europe in my travels, including Venice, Florence, Rome, Barcelona, Paris, Dublin, Edinburgh, and Amsterdam, as a grand finale. (Hint: Not for the Anne Frank House.) Each city seemed to come equipped with its own set of equal parts adventure and misfortune, and I endured a wide gamut run, from a crazed, Venetian stalker to a London roommate who somehow made living with a flesh eating virus seem vastly more appealing. A favorite – and highly memorable – adventure, however, occurred in Brighton, an adorable little backyard town to London, and the apparent home the world’s most over-aggressive seagull population.

Three of my friends and I had just departed London a few hours prior by bus, planning to spend the day relaxing on the beach, perhaps even partaking in a round of miniature golf or two. The beach was packed with seagulls, but no more so than any other beach we had ever encountered, and all appeared to keep their distance, safely netted in the trappings of the skyline.

That is, until we discovered the Chinese food.

All along the boardwalk were food serving booths, set up to cater to the inevitable hodgepodge of tourists and gamblers who flooded the beach’s shores each day. We were all famished from the long bus ride taken that morning, so quickly decided on individual helpings of greasy, fried noodles and springy egg rolls. The grinning Chinese woman dumped heaping portions out for each of us, and continued to beam even as we were turning to leave, hoping to take our food down to the beach for a makeshift picnic lunch.

The seagulls, unfortunately, seemed to have the same thing in mind. Within minutes of our departure from the boardwalk, seagulls the size of small toddlers were swooping down on us from all angles, screeching loudly as if it were they, not us, who were on the receiving end of the attack. The largest of the lot landed directly on my friend Jenny’s head, making off with half of her rice and causing her to omit a scream that was likely to have rattled the Chinese woman’s ancestors awake. Seagulls dive-bombed in every which way like kamikaze pilots afflicted with epilepsy, leaving great explosions of noodles and feathers in their wake. Alarmed beyond reason, the four of us dashed for a nearby pavilion, and took shelter as the ravenous beasts circled overhead, as if they were buzzards surrounding a fallen wildebeest.

The image of a gigantic seagull landing on my friend’s head remains forever implanted in my memory, as does the remembrance of the hearty, if a bit flustered, laugh shared afterwards. Perhaps the greatest bit of icing on this disaster cake came with the sign we saw, posted obnoxiously on the boardwalk’s ledge.

“Do not feed the birds?” my friend Melissa exclaimed. “We didn’t get any goddamn choice!”

Further Information

Travel tips: Bring a chair. The beach is composed entirely of rocks, and therefore difficult to lie on.

And for heaven's sake, avoid the seagull population at all costs.

Must see/do at this place: The pier is a must. And the beach - despite its vicious seagulls - is one of the loveliest in the area.

You should avoid here: Seagulls!