Ahh, travel. Seeing new places, meeting new people, trying new activities, experiencing new cultures and gagging on “food” that calls more for an exterminator than a chef. Here are ten things that I betcha didn’t know were even food! Time to chow down!

1. Morcilla (Argentina and other parts of South America). What could be more delicious than a sausage made of mysterious bits of pork, rice, nuts, paprika, bread crumbs and pasty, congealed pig blood? I know it’s good to use the whole pig, but come on, the blood? Worst of all, they’re often served alongside regular sausages, which sort of camouflages them.
2. Chapulines (Mexico). The people of Oaxaca say that if you eat the local delicacy, you’ll return to the city one day. Oaxaca (pronounced wa-ha-ka, named for the sound you’ll make when you eat the chapulines) is a lovely place, but is it really worth eating a handful of crunchy grasshoppers in order to return? I mean come on, use the friggin’ grasshoppers to catch a fish or even a rodent and then eat THAT. Food Chain 101, people.
3. Ubre (Chile). Everyone likes milk, right? And where does it come from? Cow udders, of course. So when it comes time to butcher the cow, why not toss those udders on the grill with a little garlic, some herbs…what? That’s gross, you say? Go tell it to the Chileans.
4. Tacos de Seso (Mexico). While we’re on bad ways to use a cow, we should mention the Mexican Taco de Seso. It’s…BRAAAIIINS! That’s right. You heard me. Shall I say it again? BRAAIINS! Fried! Served on a tortilla! With hot sauce! It’s what zombies would eat if they were all Mexican and they wanted a break from all the human BRAAAIINS they were eating.
5. Huevos de Tortuga (Nicaragua). Getting sick of the same old chicken eggs in the fridge every morning? Then get off your egg-eating butt and go to Nicaragua, where you can feast on delicious sea turtle eggs! In spite of ordinances forbidding it, locals dig up turtle nests and sell the eggs. Some Nicaraguans believe that eating the eggs raw will improve your sex drive. Me, I say that if you need to eat reptile eggs to get a boner, maybe it’s time to retire your little black book.
6. Hormiga Culona (Colombia). Literally translated, it means “ant with a big ass.” Folks in parts of Colombia have been eating these big-butted ants for centuries, which is fine I guess, if there isn’t anything more appetizing to eat, such as an old shoe or a broken bottle that still has some Sprite on the inside you can lick off. But Colombians are getting creative with these ants, dipping them in chocolate, making sauces out of them and even a spread for bread. Folks in Colombia say to harvest them quick or the lizards and birds will get them all. I say, if you’re racing lizards to your food supply, you’re doing something wrong.
7. Hormigas de Limón (Ecuador and Peru). You’re hiking around the jungle, admiring the foliage and watching for jaguars, when suddenly your guide stops in front of a tree in a small clearing. He breaks off a branch, opens it, and you see several tiny brown ants inside. Guess what! It’s lunch! You’re supposed to eat them. They taste a little like lemon, thus the name. At least they’re not making sauces out of them.
8. Chuños (Bolivia). Here’s a recipe for you. Take a handful of potatoes and leave them out all day for a week. Let them freeze at night and scorch in the sun during the day. Meanwhile, take off your shoes and stomp the potatoes every chance you get. Then, lock them in a dark place for a few years. Serves four. Makes you wonder if someone mixed up the instructions with something else, as the “preparation” for chuños sounds like a good punishment for wife-beating.
9. Cuy (parts of Colombia, Peru, Ecuador, Bolivia). What’s more cute and cuddly than a guinea pig? Not much. They’re like a fat hamster, the hamster the other hamster kids make play goalie when they all played hamster soccer in hamster grade school. American parents love guinea pigs, because they’re funny looking, inexpensive and about as dangerous as a rubber spoon. But they’re not pets in the Andes Mountains, no sir. They’re lunch! Grilled, fried, broiled, get ‘em while they’re hot. Too bad they’re too small and stupid to fetch your slippers, or they might get a reprieve.
10. Chicha (Amazon Basin: parts of Peru, Ecuador, Bolivia and Brazil) I think we need something to wash down all of these udders and bugs and BRAAAAIIINS. How about a nice cool glass of chicha? Off we go to the Amazon, where the ladies of native tribes will chew up some yucca root, spit it into a bowl, and let the whole mess ferment for a while before serving. Yummy! It will not disappoint: according to some first-hand reports, chicha is every bit as vile as it sounds.